Written by Ellis Ian Fields
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Sunday, 6 March 2011

image for Liverpool v Man Utd Too Massive To Be Seen?
Liverpool v Man Utd - it's in there somewhere.

Scientists fear that today's football match between Liverpool and Manchester United will not be seen by anyone.

They are concerned that the game is so massive that no light will escape from Anfield - the home of Liverpool.

Said a science insider: "There are some extremely massive objects in the universe - like black holes - so massive that their gravity sucks everything into them. Even light can't escape.

"Well, we are told that the game between Liverpool and Manchester Utd is extremely "massive" - commentators believe it is central to the outcome of the Premier League championship.

"If it's so massive, no-one will be able to see it - since no light will reflect from the game. How will we know who - if anyone - has won?"

Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger is understood to be consulting astro-physicists at London University regarding whether wormhole technology will enable him to watch the match via a special space-continuum camera.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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