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Friday, 4 March 2011

image for Man City's Toure Fails Drug Test

The Premiership was rocked to its very foundations by the news that Man City defender Kolo Toure has failed a drug test.

The former Arsenal centre half , generally recognised as one of the best defenders in the country, is said to have gone into hiding as he could not face the inevitable media attention.

He has been suspended from playing for 4 weeks pending a full investigation.

One of Toure's friends read a prepared statement outside the City Of Manchester Stadium today :" Kolo is ashamed to admit that earlier in the week he did indded fail a drug test.

He had to identify 5 different types of uppers - amphetamines, ecstasy, modafinil, ampakines and yohimbine - but he only managed one out of five correct answers.

Although Kolo has never dabbled in illegal drug use himself, he has been around enough cokeheads in his time that he should have been able to pass with flying colours.

He deeply regrets his failure to do so and realises that he has not only let himself down but also the millions of fans who look up to overpaid, molly coddled superstars as "cool dudes.

Kolo is determined to rectify the situation and is going to use his time away from the game to bone up on the finer points of non prescribed drug addiction ".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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