Written by Katarina Frogpond2
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Thursday, 3 March 2011

The whole shocking truth about what Coisty said to Lennon has been revealed by a totally neutral fan who was standing close by.

The fan revealed that Coisty shook Lennon's hand and then whispered in his ear. "We know about the Giant Penguin."

At which point Neil Lennon pushed Coisty away, saying "No one knows about the Giant Penguin. He doesn't exist."

McCoist then said "We know where you keep him. We know what he's done to Scotland, and we're going to let the world know."

Lennon was then heard to say that the Penguin was totally innocent. But during questioning by police, Ali McCoist apparently went on to make the accusation that the penguin was a specially trained assasin hired by Colonel Gadaffi. He was sent to Scotland with the sole purpose of poaching Scotland's Salmon stocks.... but not all of them, just the ones in rivers were Rangers players go fishing.

The penguin was commissioned by Jock Stein in the 70s, when it was a tiny little chappy. But now it has grown to a gargantuan size and can steal a riverful of fish in as little as 2 and a half days.

Neil Lennon is said to have been deeply hurt by the accusations that Celtic football club owns a sectarian salmon fishing penguin. But suspicions are growing about the very fishy lunch menu at the Celtic football club Training ground. There appears to be a huge amount of River Salmon on that menu. In fact, there is so much, Celtic players are actually encouraged to take some more salmon home for tea.

Rangers football club, however, have no salmon at all. They say they've been robbed, and that's why they lost the Old Firm Game. Coisty wants the police to go p p pick up the penguin before it steals anymore fish.

But Neil Lennon says that Ali McCoist is the new mad Galliano of Glasgow. He says McCoist's statements were inflammatory and Celtic Football club will soon be going to see the European Human Rights Commissioner to see if they can have Ali McCoist put on trial for slander against a p p perfectly innocent Libyan Penguin.

By Katarina Frogpond.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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