Written by Skoob1999
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Tuesday, 1 March 2011

image for Sky Sports Pundit Ray Wilkins Has An Orgasm Out Of His Head As Chelsea Beat United 2-1
David Luiz - You Ain't Going Nowhere Maah Saaahhhn!

It's true. As Chelsea ran out 2-1 winners over Manchester United in the Premiership, Sky pundit Ray Wilkins was going red in the head as the Blues consigned the Red Devils to another appointment with Fergie's hair drier.

A Sky mole revealed that Wilkins' head was on the verge of exploding, and showering the Sky studio with gunk, as Jamie Redknapp didn't rub his stubbly chin against it's polished surface. ("Butch's" head.)

Observers claim that Wilkins was on the verge of self harming at half time as Chelsea went in a goal down, but perked up (ooh-err Mrs!) as Chelsea ran out eventual winners.

Strange behaviour for a former midfield maestro who transferred from Chelsea to Manchester United in the 80's because he "wanted to win things."

Reports suggest that Ray's head was put under a cold shower, in order to avert disaster.

"I don't want gunk all over my best whistle and flute, thankyou very much!" said Jamie Redknapp.

The ref came in for some criticism, but Carlo Ancelotti summed it up in a nutshell by talking about pasta in an impenetrable accent.

David Luiz - heavily criticised, has been linked with Manchester United, by his agent, Charles "Lucky" Luciano.

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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