Written by Monkey Woods
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Sunday, 27 February 2011

image for Wayne Rooney Elbow To Receive Ban
Rooney may be made to wear a muzzle on his elbow

Wayne Rooney's elbow, the elbow at the centre of the row amongst football pundits about whether or not it deliberately shoved itself into the side of Wigan Athletic player James McCarthy's head on Saturday, is likely to receive a heavy punishment from the FA on Monday.

The elbow, which sits at the bend of Manchester United striker Rooney's arm, could be seen by TV viewers to smash itself into the side of McCarthy's head as Rooney ran past the Wigan player when chasing a through ball. Referee Mark Clattenburg saw nothing, however, and allowed play to continue.

BBC football pundits, however, were last night able to review video footage from every angle, at varying speeds and with the benefit of rewind-and-fast-forwarding devices, so that they could nail the ugly player's elbow.

Said former Leicester City player, Gary Lineker, whose brother is a tax-dodging crook:

"If you just stop the tap, right there, no, back it up a bit, yes, right there, yes, that's it! You can see the elbow flexing itself for impact which shows it was deliberate!"

If found guilty of the offence, the elbow could be banned for four matches, and Rooney could be made to wear a muzzle over it to stop it hurting other players in the future.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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