Written by Ellis Ian Fields
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Wednesday, 23 February 2011

image for Olympic Velodrome Opens To Cyclists' Confusion
The Gloucester Sausages, um... er, passing a Chinese restaurant in West London.

A group of Gloucester cyclists was being escorted back to the city today having lost their way trying to find the new Olympic Velodrome.

The arena, especially constructed for the London Olympics next year, is the first venue to be completed for the games and was opened with great fanfare yesterday.

Cycling enthusiasts from throughout the UK came to celebrate the opening of the building, which has been delivered in plenty of time and on budget.

But one group failed to arrive at the celebrations.

The Gloucester Sausage Riders set out to cycle to London on Monday, intending to arrive in time for yesterday's ceremony. But it seems their problems began when they arrived in the capital.

Said group leader, Nobby Innertube: "Well, Oi were allers a bit bovvered abate guin' oop that Lunnun, but everyone were so excoited Oi thought us'd better troi.

"But when us got near central Lunnun folks started messin' us abate!

"I says to this feller in Mary-lee-bone Road, 'Oi mate, where's the new coycle track?' An' he says, 'Dunno mate - but they're opening the new vel-o-drome today.'

"Well that were no good to us - but that's all anyone kept saying. What's a vel-o-drome anyway?"

A spokesman for Scotland Yard confirmed the team was being escorted home: "We got reports of a group of cyclists riding round and round central London.

"They were clearly lost and very, very stupid, so they were apprehended for their own safety and are being escorted back to Gloucestershire today."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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