FIFA President, Sepp Blatter has apparently been told that his invitation to the wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton has been permanently lost in the post.
As has been stated already in the headline.
Some committed Royal observers have expressed the opinion that Prince William is having a bit of a tit-for-tat spat with the Swiss dildo after failing to secure the 2018 World Cup for a vuvuzela free England.
One particularly outraged slightly cockney observer told us:
"Wills ain't having no more of that Blatter nonsense. The Prince is right royally pissed of with the yodelling goatherd anti-goal line technologist because the World Cup went to Russia. Put simply, I'm of the opinion that the Prince thinks that Blatter is a duplicitous twat, and would rather kick him up the bollocks than have the old man twatting about the Buck House garden scoffing free sausage rolls and vol au vents."
It is widely believed (mainly by wide boys of the Cockney persuasion) that Blatter E-mailed the Palace enquiring why he hadn't yet received his wedding invitation.
Palace staffer, Jake Innit (Allegedly) sent a return E-mail to Blatter explaining that his invitation was probably permanently lost in the post, and that perhaps Blatter might like to contact the Russian mafia - as he's apparently so fond of them.
Upon hearing the news, Blatter's henchman (not Frenchman, as quoted in some quarters, although he is French - allegedly) Michel (Ma Belle) Platini furiously vented his rage by gobbling up some frog's legs and snails.
There have been allegations that unnamed FIFA officials have been Putin it about a bit in Moscow.
And would appreciate another crack at the Katarinas.
Although this has not been confirmed in official channels.
More as we get it.