Written by Ellis Ian Fields
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Monday, 21 February 2011

image for Red Imps Join Search For Missing Flightless Bird
An Ostrich - bit like a rhea.

Division Two football club, Lincoln City, have boosted the search for a missing flightless bird.

Police and animal rights officers are trying to track down the rhea after witnesses reportedly saw it running loose in the Thorpe Culvert area of Lincolnshire.

Now City - The Red Imps - have offered a £2,000 reward for information leading to the bird's safe capture.

Rheas are large, flightless birds similar to ostriches, but smaller.

They can move quickly, reaching speeds of between 20 and 40 miles per hour.

The birds are not aggressive but police are warning people to keep their distance as they can kick with their large and powerful legs when threatened.

Said a spokesman for the Imps, who are currently mid-table in League Two: "Wow! This bird can run at up to 40mph and has a powerful kick. You bet we put up a reward - imagine that on the wing (no pun intended)."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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