Written by grimbo
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Sunday, 20 February 2011

image for Old Firm Turn Screw on Scottish Football

The Scottish Premier League faces fixture chaos at the start of 2011 to 2012 with the news that Celtic have arranged to play in a tournament a week after the start of the season.

The Dublin Super Cup, featuring Man City, Inter Milan, an Irish Select and the Parkhead club, is to be played on the weekend of July 30th despite the SPL wanting to start competitive football the week before.

While Rangers have not yet announced their plans, its likely that they too will be looking to bring in a seven figure sum in a glamour friendly.

One way round the dilemma would be to play the second round of the League Cup early (clubs involved in Europe don't enter until the subsequent round) but that would mean lower league clubs losing out on pre season friendlies that are a vital lifeline for them.

Whatever solution is eventually reached, the Old Firm are set to take advantage of their privileged position in the game up North by insisting on even more preferential treatment than they currently receive.

Both Rangers and Celtic will insist that their continued participation in the League and Scottish Cups will be dependent on their never being drawn against each other as this "damages the credibility of a cup competition if two of the biggest clubs on the globe do not compete in the final".

Furthermore, all cup ties involving either of them must in future be home ties and must kick off no later than 6pm so "our players can get a good 12 hours sleep before their next training session. The cream of the nation's talent cannot be expected to play to the best of their ability unless they get a settled sleeping regime. The fact that many lower league club players are part time and would not be able to make a 6pm kick off is not our concern. These individuals should make their mind up what's more important - putting food on the table or getting the opportunity of pitting their wits against Scotland's finest".

Finally - for the moment at least - the Big Two will refuse to honour any league fixtures next season unless the SPL import referees from abroad who "do not have anti Old Firm agendas to follow and who will not be influenced by the incoherent babbling of managers of provincial clubs who claim that they do not get their fair share of penalty decisions in games against our honourable selves. There is no place in Scottish football for conspiracy theories ".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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