Written by ryms
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Topics: Newcastle, goat

Monday, 5 September 2005

image for Michael Owen was tempted to be a goat herder
It was either not playing in Europe or herding goats for Owen

It was revealed today that Newcastle United's new record signing, Michael Owen, was tempted to quit football for a life as a goat herder.

The news came amidst reports that Owen was seen visiting several farms in Switzerland and was impressed with the satisfaction that the workers have in herding the goats. A Swiss villager, who was somewhat startled by our visit when we arrive on his farm, denied the story. He however reitarated that F.C Luzern is the best team in Europe.

Sources close to Owen have said that he was unhappy of not being able to play in Europe with Newcastle and that Owen would rather be a 'goat herder' because of this.

Michael Owen himself was unavalaible for comment, but a Real Madrid fan, who wants to be known only as Zinedine commented, "For all I care, he is better off herding goats!"

The same comment was later reiterated by a Liverpool fan, who wants to be known only as Rafa.

Alan Shearer reportedly manage to sway Owen's decision away from being a goat herder to becoming a magpie through many phone conversations, bouquets of flowers and Belgian chocolates. Shearer, in desperation, also reportedly offered Owen, his daughter's hand in marriage and his wife. Alan Shearer's wife and daughter were obviously angry with this plea of desperation, and made Shearer to withdraw the offer.

Newcastle chairman, Freddie Sheppard, released a statement saying that there were no clause in his contract stating that Owen was free to leave Newcastle to be a goat herder. According to the statement, there is however a clause on his contract that states that Newcastle United plc owns Michael Owen's left kidney and right eye when or if he decides to leave Newcastle United for another team in the future.

Career changes by footballers is nothing new. Many ex-footballers prefer to go into management and coaching. Andy Gray, one of the best Scottish goal scorers in the 1970's is now a well known TV pundit. Vinnie Jones, the once Wimbledon 'ard men, is now a Hollywood film star. Gary Lineker, golden boot winner, aside from his job as BBC Match of the Day host is also a Walker's Crisp spokesman. Paul Gascoigne, better known as Gazza, is now, Paul G8 (name change).

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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