LOS ANGELES - The owners of the Los Angeles Lakers have just signed a $3 billion deal with The Timeless-Wonder Cable Company to continue showing every Lakers game but on "Pay Per View."
A spokesperson for the Lakers who begged to keep his name anonymous stated that people have to understand that there are no free meals anywhere in America, except maybe in Montana, but that's only because the population of Montana is somewhere around 940.
The anonymous spokesperson who shall be henceforth referred to as Mr. B.A. (for Benedict Arnold) told Sports Territory Magazine and Tittle Tattle Tonight that if one is a true Lakers fan he (or she) will not mind having to pay the extra $397 per month Los Angeles Laker Television Service Fee.
Mr. B.A. made it very clear that the average Laker fan makes about $9 an hour more than the average worker in Milwaukee, Memphis, or Minneapolis. He then threw in the fact that L.A. Laker fans should be thrilled because the average worker in Detroit is unemployed and makes nothing an hour.
Sports Territory Magazine interviewed several die hard Laker fans who cannot afford to buy the $283 tickets to the game or pay for the $39 parking fee, the $18 hot dogs, the $19 beer, or the $7 bathroom use service fee.
Watts resident Charles Frodell "Double Dribble" Washington said, "Just who da hell do da Laker owner chumps think dey be anyhow? Jerry "King Jerry The First" Jones or what?"
Another visibly upset Laker fan who happens to be an illegal alien from Guatemala and asked us to use the fake name Arnoldo Juanito Schwarzenegger replied, "I teenk dat dis ease all nuteeng but damn bull chit. We chood be able to wash our Lakers on dat teebee for free and not pay to wash dem like dey are moobey stars or sumteeng."
And Gladiola LaTundra Jefferson, a hooker who spends her evenings walking the streets of Cucamonga said, "Well alls I can say is dat I am one thrilled as hell bish ho fo sho.
Cause I ain't be kiddin ya, ebby time dat da friggin Lakers dey be playin on da telebitchun I has ta go and sit my big mama money-making ass at an effen boot(h) at Mickey D's cause eberry sumbitch he be's washing dem mother effen El Lay Lakers on deys home big screens telebitchuns."
Mr. B.A. was asked if there was any possibility that his company would have a change of heart and drop their proposal.
He smiled a bit. Then he started laughing. And then he really started laughing a lot more.
A few minutes later after he had composed himself he replied, "Well to answer your question, let me put it this way. Kobe Bryant has a much better chance of being elected the KKK grand exalted wizard dragon before that happens!"