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Wednesday, 16 February 2011

image for Cleveland Cavaliers Sign 15 Year Old Kenyan Point Guard; Hope to Turn Season Around!
Scene In Cleveland Where Jaramogi Obama Introduced as "White Hope" to Woeful Cavs!

Cav's Owner Dan Gilbert took a gigantic step toward fulfilling his promise of delivering an NBA championship team to the city by announcing the signing of a 7' shooting point guard to replace legend LeBron James after he defected to the Miami Heat last season.

Gilbert, who didn't take James' loss well said at the time:

"I PERSONALLY GUARANTEE THAT THE CLEVELAND CAVALIERS WILL WIN AN NBA CHAMPIONSHIP BEFORE THE SELF-TITLED FORMER 'KING' WINS ONE"

The Cavs are currently 9-46 and coming off 26 straight losses, an NBA record!

The Cavs who had been contenders in recent years with James leading their attack fell apart this year and always found a way to lose, looking more like an inept division 3 high school team without James' aggressive on court style and take charge leadership where he could score 40-50 points on any given night, and dominate the defensive end of the court.

Gilbert introduced his new player at a Press Conference today at the arena with a warm up featuring the Black Eyed Peas, and a monologue by comedian Chris Rock which whipped up the meager crowd estimated at around 114.

Introduced on stage wearing a leopard skin cape and a lion tooth necklace , Jaramogi Obama silently took center stage as Gilbert sung his praises.

As reporters frantically searched Google on their I-Pads, only a bit of Jaramogi's past history emerged.

Apparently he appeared mysteriously as a Kenyan Exchange Student enrolling in Rocky River High School and played JV basketball his first year.

Local sports statistics show the JV team went 21-0 that year, giving up a total of 35 points while outscoring their opponents on an average of 97 points a game.

Jaramogi set a school boy record of 2000 points in a season, with a shooting percentage of 82.9 percent while not missing any free throws.

After moving to the varsity this year he again led his team to the Division one state championship setting yet more records for scoring, rebounding, free throws, and 3-pointers.

According to his agent, Jaramogi who speaks little english, decided to skip his last two years of high school, and forego college and jump directly into the pros after the birth of his 4th son.

Scott Boras, representing Jaramogi, said he had successfully petitioned the NBA to relax it's rules regarding under age athletes invoking the "Hardship" Clause specifically dealing with the leagues rigorous stance on Paternity Suits and Child Support Issues.

Boras, who said the Cav's offer was 'generous', and included a 'substantial' signing bonus would enable Jaramogi to find suitable living accommodations in which to house his still growing family, as his latest girl friend is expecting, and he has 'a few' relatives in Kenya who are patiently waiting at the Nairobi airport to join him in the US.

Gilbert said he expects Jaramogi to make his debut later this week after a round of promotional visits including "The View", Oprah, and culminating in a ceremony at the White House where he is expected to join NBA great Bill Russell in receiving the Medal of Freedom awarded by the President, who may or may not be related.

Boras said 'it's a great day for Jaramogi, and of course for me, financially speaking. You're witnessing the creation of a new legend in Basketball history being made!"

Boras added he expected the 'glitch' involving Jaramogi's birth certificate certifying his true age would to be cleared up 'shortly' and didn't expect it to hold up his admittance into the Basketball Hall of Fame.

Jaramogi, who plays barefoot, is said to be in negotiations with several shoe sponsors who are busy developing a light weight see-thru shoe tentatively called "Transparency" expected to sell retail for $1257 not including a liberal trade in and $400 cash back sponsored by the UN & IMF.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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