Written by grimbo
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Monday, 14 February 2011

Sepp Blatter has confirmed that the 2022 World Cup in Qatar will definitely be played in the Summer.

Despite widespread concerns amongst many of the European national associations at the prospect of their players having to put up with 40C temperatures, the FIFA president has decreed that the majority of fixtures will be played in the afternoon in order to satisfy the demands of the TV companies.

Conscious that there will be many health and safety issued surrounding afternoon kick offs, Blatter has moved quickly to allay any such fears by introducing radical new measures.

The most controversial proposal by far is one whereby no teams are to be allowed to include any fair or ginger haired players in their final squad. In order to avoid any efforts to get round this regulation, a C.O.S (Certificate of Swarthiness) must be obtained from the FIFA doctor for every squad member. Failure to obtain this verification will result in the player being refused a passport for the tournament.

The only alternative is for countries to invest in the latest sporting aid - a spray on skin that protects the player from the sun for up to 2 hours at a time. This cutting edge technology is available at a cost of £5,000 per skin , courtesy of SEBLA Enterprises.

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