Written by Karen Fish
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Monday, 14 February 2011

image for Ryder Cup Cancelled as Tiger Woods Spits on Burning Tunisian Green Man

In his latest car wreck, Tiger Woods has now caused the cancellation of the next Ryder Cup. The 2012 Ryder Cup was scheduled to be held at the Medinah Country Club outside of Chicago just prior to the 2012 Presidential elections. Every day it looks more and more like the 2012 Mayan Apocalypse will become a reality. If it does come to pass then Jack is safe no matter what Sean Foley does with Tiger Woods' swing.

Yesterday Tiger Woods squatted behind his ball to line up his putt, turned his head to the right and horked onto the green. After Tiger departed the scene of the crime Lee Westwoood in the group behind the magnificent one hit his approach shot 20 feet from the flag and his putt came to a grinding halt dead in the middle of Ttiger Woods' gobule.

As if the Middle East didn't have enough problems ever since the Tunisian police beat innocent computer graduate Mohammed Ali Bouazizi's head in which caused him to commit suicide by setting himself on fire now Tiger Woods has fired off the spit heard round the world. After the spitting infraction the European Tour announced that they were fining Tiger Woods for spitting on the green yesterday at the Dubai Desert Classic.

After this fine announcement 2012 captains Davis Love and Jose Maria Olazabal who were standing together on the fringe had some words, got into a fight and began rolling around the green causing scrapes and divots to the 18th putting surface which caused Lee Westwood's ball to veer off the green and slide into a bunker. Nobody seems to have noticed however because at the same time half a world away Sergio Garcia spit into the 18th cup at the Pebble Beach Crosby Clambake which was won by Carl Spackler who upon victory started doing the watusi on the green flag in hand screaming "It's in the hole, it's in the hole, it's in the hole."

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