Written by IainB
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Thursday, 10 February 2011

image for Gary Neville fails to get the Sky Pundit Job, wants to return to United
There are many kinds of beard, all of them are stupid

Gary Neville, the former Manchester United right back, has been knocked back from his application to get the vacancy at Sky Sports following the departure of Andy Grey and Richard Keys over the Sian Massey Affair.

According to his agent, Mony Grabber, Neville had been a dead cert for the job.

"It's not on," she said. "Sky contacted me, and asked if Gary would be willing to leave Manchester United and join the punditry team at Sky Sports to fill the vacancy. However, after quitting professional football, Sky have now said that they're not interested."

Neville has taken his retirement payment from the PFA, and as such can no longer play professional football. He has enquired about returning to Manchester United to get his old job back, or indeed, any job there. Manchester United, according to sources, have told him to get knotted.

"Gary is quite upset," said Grabber. "He had his little heart set on this job. They'd told him he was guaranteed to get the job because he's good friends with David Beckham."

According to sources inside Sky Sports, Neville has been knocked back for the job because he refuses to shave off his poor attempt at a beard.

"This is absolutely not the case," said Grabber. "Gary would have the beard shaved off. He would shave it off himself, but his mum won't allow him near a razor after the eye brow incident. Additionally, the fluffy beard is quite fetching and manly and a lot of women find it very attractive."

A quick survey of women in the office said it makes him look like a serial killer.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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