Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Monday, 7 February 2011

image for The Super Bowl XLV Halftime Extravaganza Featuring The Black Eyed Peas Is The Loudest In Super Bowl History!
Part of the Super Bowl XLV halftime show. (NOTE: Fergie can be seen at the upper left hand corner).

DALLAS - The Green Bay Packers led by Super Bowl MVP quarterback Aaron Rodgers defeated the Pittsburgh Steelers 31 to 25, causing thousands of 'Cheeseheads' (Packer fans) everywhere to ask "Brett who?" in reference to long time ex-Packer QB Brett Favre.

Before the game even started the 102,000 fans saw Christina Aguilera fumble the ball as she flubbed the words to the number one song of 1814 "The Star Spangled Banner."

Aguilera was very upset and embarrassed and stated that she would consider returning half of the fee she received to sing the song at America's number one sporting event.

The halftime show showcased the all-leather clad Black Eyed Peas featuring Fergie (Stacy Ann Ferguson), will.i.am (William James Adams, Jr.), Taboo (Jaime Luis Gomez), and Apl.de.ap. (Allan Pineda Lindo).

Fergie appeared on stage looking like a young dominatrix version of country singer Faith Hill. Will.i.am looked like he was wearing an outfit that Elton John had throw out back in the 80s.

The group had a supporting cast of about 200 Tron-like dancers who were dressed in what appeared to be green colored cellophane outfits that made them look like 200 condoms.

One of the ushers was overheard to have said, that it was certainly a "Safe" performance.

The halftime performance was 10 minutes of non-stop screaming, hollering, yelling, and yodeling. It was without a doubt the loudest halftime presentation in Super Bowl history. The only thing missing were the dreaded South African vuvuzelas.

The first song the Black Eyed Peas performed was "I Gotta Funny Feeling Deep Down In My Crotch Region." Hundreds of moms and dads in the audience could be seen covering the ears of their little under-aged kids.

The BEP's then went into their hit "Boom Boom Bling Bling Let Me Do My Thing And Sing." Joe Buck, who along with former Dallas Cowboy quarterback Troy Aikman was doing the games play-by-play announcing, remarked that the song was his wife's favorite song.

Fergie then led the band into the song "Pump It Like It Ain't Never Ever Been Pumped Before Bro." Buck, who knows a heck of a lot about a hell of a lot told Aikman that he believed that this particular song was the song that Tony Bennett had recorded as a follow up to his big hit "I Left My Heart In San Francisco."

Troy apparently forgot that Super Bowl XLV did not implement a 5 second audio delay and replied, "Joe, I'm sorry dude, but I think you're full of shit."

The Peas, as Glenn Beck calls them then went into the song "Let's Get It Started." Troy turned to Joe and asked if this song should not have been the one that the band should have started with.

"Because of the title?" Joe asked.

Aikman shook his head and said, "Ya know pumpkin head sometimes you really do amaze me."

Buck who is OCD told Aikman that during the band's performance he personally kept track and they had mentioned the word "Yo" a total of 167 times, the word "Ho" a total of 93 times, the word "Bro" 42 times, and the word "Arapaho" 13 times.

Three other secondary acts also appeared Slash, Boo Boo Stewart, and Kanye West who was actually disguised as Usher.

After the halftime performance Joe Buck told Troy Aikman that the Black Eyed Peas had worn more leather than a herd of 90 Texas longhorn cattle.

The Black Eyed Peas are scheduled to fly to England where they will perform at a Buckingham Palace dinner party which Queen Elizabeth is throwing for Ringo Starr.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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