Written by Mr Goster
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Saturday, 5 February 2011

image for Neville Calls It A Day Before He Really Embarasses Himself
fast runners

Gary Neville has finally done the decent thing and retired from top flight football. Speaking candidly on MUTV he issued the following statement.

'I'm packing in now because I realise I'm shite. I can't run anymore, in fact when I start to run, to chase the winger as he glides past me, I can hear that noise that you hear on cartoons when your legs move dead fast but you don't go anywhere. I should have been sent off in my last 3 games!I've stolen a living for at least six years but have no intention of giving any money back.

Football has been great to me, where else would an average bloke get paid a fortune for being alright at his job. Everyone will remember me as Mr United, as it's the only club I played for but I'm actually a Liverpool fan. '

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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