Written by Gail Farrelly
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Friday, 4 February 2011

image for Take Me Out to the Ball Game! Investors Line Up to Buy a Piece of the NY Mets
Play Ball!

The Wilpons (the owners of the NY Mets) had just announced that they were in the market for a minority stakeholder when the rumors started flying about interested parties. That wonderful song "Take Me Out to the Ball Game" (words by Jack Norworth; lyrics by Albert Von Tilzer) is being heard in all corners of the globe.

Spoof reporter Gail Farrelly is on the story. She's found a number of possible stakeholders. Here's a partial list, along with the rationale (yep, she's an eavesdropper!) for investing in the Mets that each of the potential investors has mentioned to friends:

-- Queen Elizabeth II "Ever since I ate a ballpark hot dog in one of those 'Naked Gun' movies, I've been pining to eat more and more of them. Take me out to the ball game."

-- King Tut "When I heard the rumors that the Egyptian rioters would try to behead all the mummies, I said to myself 'I'm outta here.' They won't think to look for me at Citi Field. Take me out with the crowd."

-- Oprah Winfrey "I've taken over just about everything else in the U.S. Might as well get part of a baseball team too. Buy me some peanuts and Cracker Jack."

-- Spider-Man "If my Broadway show is a flop, at least I'll have something to fall back on. I don't care if I never get back."

Farrelly reports, though, that surprisingly it's Pope Benedict XVI who may have the inside track in persuading the Wilpons that he'd be the perfect partner. Here was his argument. First he sang in broken English:

Let me root, root, root for the home team,
If they don't win it's a shame.
For it's one, two, three strikes, you're out,
At the old ball game.

Then he advised the Wilpons, "Me, I provida the heavenly help, and this is a team that needs it. Molto bene!" Then channeling the late Tug McGraw, the Pontiff added, "Ya gotta believe."

Amen.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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