Written by IainB
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Thursday, 3 February 2011

image for Gary Neville is to spend more time with his family
Gary Gary wondering why his dad's tash won't grow properly

The big headline was that Gary Neville quit football completely at the age of thirty five having spent the past forty-two years playing for Manchester United. Most Manchester United fans were under the impression he had retired two years ago.

"Was he still with club?" asked Rafael Benitez, a bemused Manchester United fan.

Neville shot to fame when he attempted to grow a moustache, something he has been trying to do for twenty years without success. The former half decent footballer himself was quite candid as to his reasons for quitting football.

"It, like, takes up a lot of, like, time," he said. "I'm working, like, three hours a day."

The former England fullback has decided that this imposition on his life is stopping him from spending time with his family. His wife, Emma, is overjoyed at Neville's decision.

"We're expecting our third child," she said. "It's so exciting. Gary's said he will be a stay at home dad and help with the nappies and stuff. Which is so exciting."

The Nevilles already have two girls, Molly and Sophie. This time they have employed gender selection techniques to ensure that they will get a boy. Apparently, Neville will be carrying on an old family tradition.

"When my son is, like, born, I will do what my father did for me, like, and give him my forename as his surname," said Neville. "He'll be called Gary Gary."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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