Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Sunday, 30 January 2011

image for Manchester United Defeats Southampton 2-1 On Chicharito's Goal Which He Dedicated To Girlfriend Shakira
A photo of Shakira which Chicharito took at The Pancho Villa Resort Villa in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico.

SOUTHHAMPTON, England - Manchester United's Javier Hernandez Balcazar, aka Chircharito scored the come-from-behind goal to help the Red Devils defeat the Southampton Saints 2-1 before a crowd of close to 29,000 fans.

After the game Javier told BBC reporter Rustington Pucklechurch that he scored the winning goal for his new girlfriend Colombian singer-belly dancer Shakira.

Shakira whose hips have been clocked at speeds of up to 124 miles per hour was in the stands cheering on her boyfriend Mexico native Chicharito (#14).

When asked by Pucklechurch what she thought about Javier she replied in somewhat broken English, "Oh Chi-Chi he ease one berry, berry good football player who can keek de ball berry good even mush more better dan dose two Shellsea players John Terry and Ashley Cole who were sheeting on der berry pretty wives Tonita and Cherylita."

Shakira recently ended an 11 year relationship with Antonio De La Rua because Antonio wanted her to have breast enhancement surgery.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: Shakira is an A-Cup and De La Rua reportedly wanted her to have breast augmentation surgery that would have kicked her knockers all the way up to a D-Cup. Shakira refused saying that with her hips moving at 124 mph she could seriously injure someone if she were to accidentally hit them with one of her D-Cup tits.]

Shakira is 33 and Chicharito is 22, but he has said that the eleven year age difference does not matter because he has dated Pixie Lott who is 20, Teresa Palmer who is 24, and Mollie King, who is 23 and Shakira's body looks pretty much like theirs except for some body piercings, some tattoos, and one little bitty hardly noticeable stretch mark.

Before the game Chicharito presented each one of his Red Devils' teammates with a copy of the 2011 Shakira The Singing Belly-Dancer's Nude Calendar which has already sold 3 million copies.

The Manchester Morning Manc newspaper reported in its Sunday edition that Shakira's nude calendar is presently the number one selling calendar in Scotland, Singapore, Saudi Arabia, Spain, Slovakia, Switzerland, and the Sudan.

In a related story. Queen Elizabeth has just received her 1,403rd hat. This one which is decorated with a hand-painted cup of tea and a crumpet on a dish was sent to her from New York City by Piers Morgan.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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