Two unknown unnamed, over-paid and very horny Premier League footy stars have been caught with their designer pants down on video.
Every footy fan in the UK is asking who the hell could be so stupid as to get caught having a "gang-bang" on video with several "ladies of the night"?
Well, over-paid footy stars are not renowned for their superior intelligence, rather more for their bulging wallets, flashy cars and boring, extravagant life-styles.
There are several contenders for the suspects, but here's a few who couldn't possibly be involved and the reasons why:
Wayne Rooney = Coleen is not pregnant
Ryan Giggs, Paul Scholes = They're too old
Carlos Tevez = He's too ugly, even for a whore
Rafael Van der Vaart = He's Dutch?
Ronaldo = Plays in Spain and doesn't like getting his dick dirty!
Emile Heskey = Always misses the target
Joey Barton = He's always in prison
Torres = Couldn't hit the side of a bus let alone a hot "pussy"
Jermain Pennant = Can't even find his Porsche so how can he find a "pussy" in the dark!
Dimitar Berbatov = Loves his mum too much
Jack Wilshire = He's much too young and only hangs around with Hoodies!
Edwin van der Sar = He's Double Dutch?
Gary Neville = never goes out after dark
Gareth Bale = Loves his mum's cooking in Wales and the only "gay" in the village?
The list is endless so it can only be some of those Brazilians missing the Samba, brown bums and tangas on the Copacabana, it's a "bum" life being a multi-millionaire, pro-footy player a million miles from home and mama!