Written by Monkey Woods
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this

Monday, 31 January 2011

image for Cocks Of The Umbongos Story To Be Banned In Africa
Scholars meet in Lgos

A story about the extraordinary lengths of African footballers penises has been banned in several African countries after it was deemed by native scholars as "racist".

Some readers may be surprised to learn that there is, in fact, such a thing as an 'African scholar', but a conference in Lagos last week was attended by more than 400 'scholars' armed with spears and shields, and dressed in traditional African scholar dress of loincloths and not much else.

The news about the Cocks of the Umbongos first appeared last week after a writer on satirical news website, TheSpoof.com, Montague Montgomery, published a story about football's new football offside rule, and how it appeared to be racist. Players could now be said to be 'offside' if there penises were in an offside position, whereby, the penis had no opposition player between itself and the opposition goal when the ball was played forward to the penis's owner.

As African footballers - and, indeed, scholars - have longer penises than their white counterparts, this places them at a distinct disadvantage when the referee's assistant has to make a crucial decision, although it is a positive boon to those self-same players when they are 'entertaining' female fans in the showers after games.

Commenting on the original story, head of the African Conference FA, Rastus Odongo, said:

"The new rule is totally biased against those of us from Africa who have girthsome and lengthy cocks. My wives are always appealing for offside."

For those who wish to read it, here is the story from Mr Montgomery:

http://www.thespoof.com/news/spoof.cfm?headline=s6i89260

Make Monkey Woods's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story

Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 3 multiplied by 4?

5 20 12 15
84 readers are online right now!

Go to top