Written by Jack Melling
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Tuesday, 25 January 2011

More people have come forward accusing Richard Keys and Andy Gray of sexism following comments made this weekend about a female linesman.

The first incident involved a 21 year-old waitress at a top London restaurant where Richard Keys and Andy Gray regularly dine.

Andy Gray, who famously orgasmed during live commentary when Steven Gerrard scored the winning goal against Olympiakos in 2004, groped the waitress on the backside.

He purposely dropped a napkin, then, when the waitress bent down to pick it up, said "take a boow son" before patting her on the bottom.

The whole incident left the woman, who can't be named for legal reasons, horrified and shocked. She said, "I expect this sort of behaviour from footballers, but not TV presenters!"

"What made it worse is that both of them laughed raucously afterwards, thinking nothing was wrong, before trying to explain the offside rule to me with a salt and pepper shaker."

The other incident happened at a massage parlour where half-man, half-ape, Richard Keys went to get his chest waxed with Andy Gray.

The woman at the centre of this sexist scandal was this time a masseur at the parlour. She says, "At first the banter was light hearted. Mr Keys explained that he needed to get his chest waxed for his wife. Mr Gray then made a joke referring to Mr Keys' hair by saying "you doon't shave those". However, the mood soon changed."

"Mr Gray asked me how much it would cost for a naked massage, which I refused. He then made derogatory comments about my waxing, saying a man would do a better job and that I didn't know what I was doing. After the wax, him and Mr Keys explained the offside rule to me with a salt and pepper shaker."

These two latest allegations have caused great controversy within Sky Sports, with many calling for the resignation of both Mr Gray and Mr Keys.

This has come at a time where Sky is set to screen a porno involving football commentator Martin Tyler and Georgie Thompson, which will be shown live on Sky Sports 1 HD 3D. After the event, Mr Tyler will then explain the offside role to Ms Thompson with a salt and pepper shaker.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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