In a triumph of alliteration, the two Sky sports presenters at the centre of the female official row have been placed on suicide watch.
Richard (I've lost my) Keys and Andy (Shades of) Gray have been hauled over the coals for insinuating that female assistant referees do not understand the offside rule.
They are currently in isolation at a Priory Clinic in Hartlepool under 24 hour close circuit television surveillance, where all sharp objects and microphones have been removed.
The female at the centre of the row said that offside "is when 2 overweight, past it TV presenters receive a forward pass make inane comments and lose their salary cheques for a month as punishment"
Sky Boss (by default) Rupert Turdoch, gave them a yellow card and said any more sexist comments and they will be sent to broadcast in Australia for 7 year as punishment