Mike Martz, The Chicago Bears Offensive Collapse Coordinator, admitted during a impromptu interview with former hottie (and current "nottie") Pam Oliver that he was secretly hired by the Green Bay Packers, to give them an advantage during the NFC Championship game, which they won 21-14, to advance to Super Bowl XXVVVIIIIIIIIIII.
"Isn't it obvious?" he exclaimed to Oliver. "Who the f--k calls for a reverse on 3rd and 3, after (11th string QB) Caleb Hanie was poised to score? Me, that's who!"
The play, Martz admitted, was worked out on an antique piece of equipment.
"Yeah, I designed that play on my old Coleco electric football games," Martz said, still trying to figure out what the hell made Pam Oliver go from Rihanna to Oprah on the Hotness-o-meter. "I put that little foamy football on the quarterback's hand, turned the machine on, and mapped the results."
Martz, who's been fired by the San Francisco 49ers, Detroit Lions, St. Louis Rams (twice), Washington Redskins, Los Angeles Rams (guess that makes it thrice), Arizona State University, University of Minnesota, University of the Pacific, Fresno State University, Santa Ana College, San Jose State, San Diego Mesa College and Bullard High School, is expected to be fired by Lovely Smith's Chicago Bears before the players finish dumping all of the sh-t in their lockers into garbage bags, and dragging them out to their Bentleys.
Martz, however, has his sights on a bigger prize than the Super Bowl.
"I heard that the league was looking to identify the worst play called in NFL history, and Rich Kotite has so many of the top 10," Martz told Pam Oliver, whose ridiculously large, reindeer-like mouth used to be really sexy, but now she kinda looks like sh-t, even applying the Holly Rowe/Suzy Kolber/Doris Burke fugly-factor. "I wanted my shot."