Written by tennisman
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Sunday, 23 January 2011

image for Gannex Raincoats to sponsor the Premier League in 2011/12
The scarecrow believed to be Emmanuel Adebayor

In a landmark deal announced today, the Barclays Premier League will have a new sponsor from next season.

With our top players wearing more and more items of clothing while playing, a major clothing brand have seized on the opportunity to re-launch their once famous Gannex Raincoats, made famous in the 1960's by British Prime Minister Harold Wilson.

The 2011 version of the garment, seen usually on Reggie Perrin-style City gent businessmen on their way to and from work, will be designed with extra slits or 'footballer flaps' at front and back, to facilitate the pumping action of players' legs as they run.

There will also be a range of complimentary products based on the items of clothing that these days, no Premier League player wants to be seen without.

Tights, Flashdance-style leggings, gloves both 'full finger' and 'milkmen' versions, snoods and a range of woolly ski hats will all compliment the new raincoat, all in the brand logo that in later years was designed around Wilson's clay pipes.

Players predominantly from Arsenal and Manchester City, 'the snood-men', as they are known in the fashion industry, will be chosen to model the garments. However these will not include the star forward who has played for both clubs, Emmanuel Adebayor. The lanky striker has not been seen for 2 months at City's Carrington training ground.

It is feared that he has become permanently lost beneath a many layered arrangement of winter clothing. Indeed, those who traverse the Cheshire sections of the M6 believe that a large padded scarecrow in a field close to Knutsford Services is the former Togo International.

Due to the Barclays name being surgically attached to the Premier League, it cannot be removed legally without ramifications at the European Court in the Hague. So the League's new name for the 2011/12 season will be The Gannex Raincoat Barclays Premier League.

Radio and TV coverage will be extended to allow more time for presenters, pundits and commentators to say the name in full as many times as possible when on air.

A spokesman for the clothing firm was enthusiastic about the new arrangement. 'With climate change bringing winter temperatures down over the next few years, we can see a time when players will have to dress like Captain Scott just to survive out there.' He continued, 'We are convinced that the new Wilson Pipe range will provide the answers, especially for those goalhanging forwards and wingers who no-one passes to like when I played football back in primary school'.

The search for Adebayor continues with his wardrobe and cashmere sweater draw as key target locations.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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