A round up of this January's transfer window so far.
- Manchester City's rich owners discovered they had another off-shore oil rink in business, and decided to spend their loose change on some German guy called Dzeko. Who's injured.
-Great big car boot sale hits Premier League as unwanted tat is sold at discount prices. "Stars" such as Joleon Lescott, Shaun Wright Phillips and Roque Santa Cruz all flagged at discount prices in Man City's buy one get one free offer.
-Darren "The Forgotten One" Bent moved South. For the big city lights of Birmingham. For a fee of £24 million, Black Cat fans are preparing to splash out.
-Everton's Steven Pienaar left Goodison Park for the lure of Big 'Arry's Spurs. The South African left for 2.5 million pound: with the money set to be used to buy... yes you guessed it... another defender.
And now for the potential transfer rumours:
-Unhappy with his big money move, Manchester City Captain "The Pope" requests a move to Real Madrid.
-Liverpool owners will sell Ryan Babel for his true worth... three bags of peanuts and a pint of Guiness.
- David Moyes will buy top defender "The Maginot Line" from France in a bid to buy a defence which cannot be breached.
More as they develop.