Written by Deafo
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Tuesday, 11 January 2011

image for Blackburn Rovers frustrated at missing out on panda signing
Depressed in edinburgh

Blackburn Rovers Venky group owners have expressed frustration at losing out in their pursuit of a giant panda who shunned the advances of the Lancashire club in favour of a move to minnows Edinburgh Zoo.

The club had hoped to make Yangguang their first signing of the January transfer window in time for Saturdays game against Premier league strugglers Chelsea but were thwarted when the Chinese Wildlife Conservation Association pulled the plug on the 5-year deal in a dispute over image rights.

Blackburn Chairman Anuradha Desai told reporters, 'We tried to warn Yangguang's representatives of the dangers of the move to such a notoriously inhospitable place as Scotland.'

'Particularly when you're becoming just another trophy signing who is going to be left to rot in a reserve all day, only coming off the bench to collect the fried mars bars and bottles of putrified whisky which have been thrown at you by locals who can't work out whether you're black or white.'

'But the Chinese authorities seemed much more worried about hooking him up with some Indian shysters who can only acknowledge a chicken's existence when its dead.'

'Never mind the fact we intended to parade that panda around Ewood Park all day in a Blackburn Rovers shirt with Ronaldinho written on the back.'

'Why not? He is after-all one of the worlds most highly prized creatures.'

'Why wouldn't he want to wear his shirt?'

Desai was however bullish in denying her employers sought any unnecessary attentions.

'No they do not seek any publicity. None whatsoever.'

'It is global fame that they want'.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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