Written by Monkey Woods
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Tuesday, 11 January 2011

image for Ipswich Town And Preston North End 'Definites' For Relegation From Championship
Jewell has been keeping busy during his enforced break from the game

Fans of Championship side Ipswich Town were joining supporters of fellow strugglers Preston North End this morning in resigning themselves to a relegation season, after it was announced that the Tractor Boys had offered the manager's job at Portman Road to none other than the former Wigan Athletic and Derby County flop, Paul Jewell.

Ipswich, who sacked Roy Keane last Friday, are currently in 19th position in the table, whilst Preston, who oddly gave a job to Hull Cuty reject Phil Brown last week, are bottom. Both will slide into League One obscurity next May, if not before.

Jewell, it was, who took a promising Derby team back into the Championship with a record-low points tally of 11 in 2008. He has been out of football ever since then, doing jigsaws and sorting buttons for his mum, and his appointment is a complete surprise - even to him.

Brown is the man who tinkered with relegation during his first season at Hull, and finally achieved it in his second. Bizarrely, he also managed Derby for seven months between June 2005 and the following January, before they eventually saw sense and booted him out. Now, he has the job of keeping up a North End side that is languishing in an area where Brown at least has expertise. Not that he will be able to do anything about it. Except talk into his Madonna-style headset like his best friend Sam Allardyce, and give unintelligible post-match interviews before being sacked in or around April.

Good luck to both of these fallen giants. They're going to need it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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