Written by Morse
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Monday, 10 January 2011

image for Foot Fetish Looms Big For Jets As Ryan Calls on Last Second Field Goal to Beat Colts!
Ryan on Showdown with Patriots:"Feet don't fail me now!"

Jet's Coach Rex Ryan relied on his foot fetish again to pull out a last second win against hated rival Peyton Manning and the Indianapolis Colts in the AFC playoff game when kicker Nick Folk put one through the uprights for a 17-16 win with no time remaining on the clock.

The rotund coach and his wife with the popsicle toes allegedly featured on a swinger site catering to foot fetish freaks, was almost done in on his own petard as former Patriot Kicking Hero Adam Venatieri, now with the Colts, put three through the uprights, the last with 53 seconds remaining to put his team in the lead.

Not daunted, Ryan was seen on the side lines consulting a mini-computer showing animated options from his "very confidential "playbook. As the camera cam moved in it revealed the following shocking notations, diagrams and pictures of bare female feet determined to be a breaking tweet from lovely wife Michelle in the owner's skybox:

"This little piggy runs an out pattern,
This little piggy stays home to block,
This little piggy goes deep,
This little piggy fakes a draw,
This little piggy scrambles for the the first down
Bring in the kicker to put it through the uprights
Then you can go "Wee wee wee" all the way home to me big boy!"

Questioned after the game, Ryan refused to discuss the revelation saying 'it's a personal matter between me an my wife," before moving on to discuss next week's game against the New England Patriots who kicked the shit out of the Jets a month ago 45-3.

Ryan claimed he would even the score against Patriot's coach Bill Belichick, saying, "It's very personal, it's him or me!"

Belichick refused to comment, but a towel boy for the Patriots was heard to mutter, "there goes the fat F****ker again....but this time he's putting his own foot in his mouth for a change!"

Mrs. Ryan was unavailable to comment as she was out for a pedicure as we went to press.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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