Written by Monkey Woods
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Sunday, 9 January 2011

image for Liverpool Boss Kenny Dalglish Oldest Manager In Premier League After 40 Years Added Onto His Age During Man Utd Defeat
A dejected Dalglish leaves the Old Trafford pitch wondering if he'll bother to give his wife's tits a grope tonight

Kenny Dalglish, the Liverpool manager newly-installed after the sad departure from Merseyside of his predecessor Roy Hodgson, is now officially the oldest manager in the Premier League, claims a report from his good lady wife, Marina.

Dalglish, who was 59 before the start of the FA Cuptie against Manchester United at Old Trafford, was said by his wife to have "aged 40 years" after experiencing a start to his second spell in charge of the club that included a 33rd-minute dismissal from his only good player, captain Steven Gerrard.

The former Kop favourite already knew he faced a huge task when he took the reins from Hodgson, but the full realisation finally hit him full in the face today as his mediocre Liverpool team huffed and puffed, but could not blow a goal in against United, and by the end of the game, which the League leaders won 1-0, the strain was already showing on the Scot's wizened brow. He looked about 99.

The Premier League's second oldest manager is United boss Sir Alex Ferguson, who is 89.

As she spoke in front of the cameras later, Mrs Dalglish told the nation:

"My lovely Kenny will give Liverpool all he's got, but that bloody game's put 40 years on him. Poor thing! I'll be lucky if he so much as gives me tits a grope tonight!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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