In sensational fake news fresh from Anfield, new Liverpool boss Kenny Dalglish has announced that he, himself, will partner the Reds' striker Fernando Torres for the rest of the season, whilst trying to recreate the dominant side of the 1980s.
Dalglish, real name King Kenny, who played for the club between 1977 and 1990 scoring 118 goals from 355 appearances, started his second spell as manager on Saturday, taking over from dour Roy Hodgson, who now wishes he'd stayed at Fulham. Mug.
Kenny took charge just in time for the Reds to be beaten 1-0 in their FA Cup 3rd-round tie against Manchester United at Old Trafford today, and watched helplessly as his side were defeated easily by the League leaders.
Liverpool lacked punch up front, especially after their only good player, captain Steven Gerrard, was sent off for a rash tackle in the 33rd minute.
Dalglish already had his boots and tracksuit bottoms on afterwards as he told reporters at his post-match interview that he had spoken to former Reds players Kevin Keegan, Ian Rush and John Aldridge about returning to the game to preserve Liverpool's Premier League status, and is hopeful of recreating the world-conquering side of the 80s.
Fans were sceptical, but one said:
"It'd be better than the current crop of shite! Friggen' 'ell!"