Written by Morse
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this

Wednesday, 5 January 2011

image for Massage a Trois, Foot Fetish , Tripping, & Penis Mail Continue to Dog Jets!
Ryan's Photoshopped Poster of Obama's Flip-Flop Feet Showing Barry as a 'Regular White Guy.'

Continued reports of rampant bizarre behaviour involving sex, randy activities, and
uncontrolled orgies involving jock straps, athletic socks and flip flops follow the Jets as they prepare for this weeks playoff game against the Colts & Peyton Manning.

Feminists are outraged over the $50,000 slap on the wrist of former quarterback Brett Farve's league fine after being accused of sending text messages of his privates to a former side line reporter.

Following that outcry, two former "Massage Therapists' came out claiming Farve also sent inappropriate text messages to them requesting a late night "Massage a Trois", despite the fact that one of them was married.

According to the new charges, complaints to management led only to the termination of the two comely muscle relaxers, leading to speculation that "anything goes in and out of the locker room with the Jets!"

If that wasn't enough, kinky koach Rex Ryan, at the center of yet another titillating story hitting the tabloids allegedly involving he and his wife in a bizarre sex swinger group focusing on unprotected toe sex, seemed to gather steam yesterday.

According to an insider in the Jet's organization, Ryan recently received an autographed
picture of President Obama's bare feet encased in flip flops which have become an overnight sensation since Barry was seen relaxing on his $2m Hawaiian vacation.

Now formally known as the "Flip-Flop" president, Ryan is said to be fascinated with the picture and has it hung over his desk in Jet's HQ where he is said to have locked himself in with a box of tissues while he prepares for the Saturday game plan against the Colts.

Ryan's nemesis in the Football chronicles has been Colt's quarterback Peyton Manning who has destroyed Ryan by beating him bloody in the past. Manning, by the way, wears a size 14 turf cleat running shoe, and Ryan has said his obsession with Manning's big feet has now become "personal" as he schemes for revenge against "Big Foot."

Ryan's wife has not been seen since the embarrassing revelations allegedly showing her
displaying her naked toes and svelte calves on swinger site videos, but a spokesman for the Ryans have vehemently denied she is isolation and quarantine in an upstate NY disease center suffering from "hoof & mouth disease."

Industry spokesmen also said there is no basis in fact that the Ryans are in contract negotiations to be the first husband & wife duo signed to be spokespersons for Nike and the Foot Locker shoe companies, although there may be some truth that they will do a spot for Dr. Scholls Foot Powder.

NFL analysts say the results of Saturday's contest will 'revolve around the Jet's kicking & tripping game but league officials will be watching to see that Ryan Toes The Line!"

Meanwhile Colts fans are ready to greet the Jets as they take the field by singing the now infamous Fats Waller Classic, "Your Feets Too Big":

Say up in Harlem at a table for two
There were four of us
Me, your big feet and you
From your ankles up, I'd say you sure are sweet
From there down; there's just too much feet
Yes, your feets too big
Don't want ya, 'cause ya feets too big
Can't use ya, 'cause ya feets too big
I really hate ya, 'cause ya feets too big

Said Manning, "I think Coach Ryan will appreciate a little sole music!"

Make Morse's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story

Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 3 multiplied by 3?

6 9 8 13
63 readers are online right now!

Go to top