Written by Montague Montgomery
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Wednesday, 5 January 2011

Sepp Bloater announced yesterday that a variation to the controversial 'offside' rule is to be introduced with a view of making more accurate decisions.

Bloater said,'Due to the significant rise in the number of black centre forwards we feel the rule should now be reviewed with emphasis on the size of a players penis. There is no doubt in my mind that a Emile Heksdie is more likely to be flagged for offside than a white Englishman such as Wayde Roody due to the size of his cock. Those crucial inches are sometimes the difference between the opportunity to score and a chance being ruled out.'

Roody pointed out the new ruling would be racist against white players and he personally suffered from stunted growth. There were a number of witnesses ranging from 80 year old grandma to a variety of prostitutes and his wife who all agreed.

In related news black Manchester Athletic players Emmanual Adeyboar and Kola Tory were fined by their club for a penis related argument.

'I scored with the big penis,' Adeyboar argued after tackling Tory with his weapon before hitting the back of the net. A training ground dispute then kicked off when Tory replied he scored with Emmanual's wife.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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