Whatever magic dust Michael Vick was using to play at the level that made him a serious league MVP has worn off, so says Philadelphia Eagles elephantine head coach Andy Reid.
"And he better f--king find some more, and quick," said Reid, while snacking on a suckling pig with taco meat and crushed Chips Ahoy dressing. "We've got another talented quarterback named... Um... Uh... Kendall something-or-other, who'll be happy to play as poorly as Vick."
To play a game like the Eagles played last night against a Minnesota Vikings team that used a Wide Receiver as starting quarterback was to toss aside everything we've accomplished so far, including winning the NFC East," said Eagles owner Jeffrey Lurie, whose movie production company, Chestnut Hill Productions, foisted into the industry such non-Academy Award nominated films as the Kathleen-Turner-as-transvestite-detective sh-tburger "V.I. Warshawski."
"I don't care if he has to bathe in the blood of a slain Golden Retriever," continued Lurie. "He needs to get his sh-t together, because Donovan McNabb calls me on my cell phone 15 times a day, whining 'Mike Shanahan hates blacks, get me out of here.' "