Written by Morse
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Saturday, 25 December 2010

image for Jet's Ryan Enters Rehab for Sole Food Addiction; Can't Shake Insatiable Desire for "Pigs Feet!"
Rex Ryan Says: You Can't Beat Feet for a Super Woody!

The NY Jets continue to 'step in it' with the latest foot related incident involving Corpulent Coach Rex Ryan as he enters rehab to try to cure his recently exposed "Foot Fetish" after
videos on fetish sites allegedly depict the delectable toes of his 47 year old wife, Michelle.

Recently the Jets were involved in a controversial play where the team's Foot Strengthening Coach was caught on camera tripping a Miami Dolphin player zooming along the side lines on a kick off return, knocking him out of the play.

Earlier this season, a former Jet's female side line reporter accused former Jet's quarterback Brett Farve of texting her pictures of all ten of his toes.....naked!

And just this week, it has been further revealed that the reporter has alleged Brett pestered her to send him videos of her having a pedicure!

Jet's fans, always known to be a little kinky, hey, their owner is "WOODY" Johnson, seem to be taking things in stride. Despite the weather over 75,000 Charger fans have vowed to show up this Sunday BAREFOOT as the Jets take on the San Diego Chargers in San Diego and try to preserve their playoff hopes.

Said the new Charger Mascot "Toe Jam" , formerly "Bolt Head', "we think the sight of 150,000 naked feet might cause him some discomfort and he'll lose his concentration. At least it should embarrass his players, although we've heard they're on the team more for their shoe size than their ability!"

Meanwhile, medical staff at the rehab center in Secaucus, NJ, former Hog Farm to the Northeast, are said to be working hard to wean Rex off his addiction to collards, sweet potatoes, and pig's feet in order to help him shed a few pounds.

"It hasn't been easy, " said a staffer speaking off the record so he wouldn't be fired,
Rex has this thing about feet, no doubt about it. Mention Athletes Foot and he gets a hard on! Mention Shoeless Joe Jackson and he wants to wank himself off. He even has his Walkman programed to Mose Allison's little ditty "Popsicle Toes!" It's going to be a tough case but we're trying to wean him off feet by introducing him to arm pits. We'll just have to see how it goes!"

A Jet's spokesman denied today that the team was interviewing a barefooted kicker due to all the recent controversy.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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