Written by anthonyrosania
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Monday, 20 December 2010

image for Philadelphia Eagles To Host Funeral For Giants' Playoff Hopes. F--kers.

In an unbelievable act of selflessness and comaraderie, the Philadelphia Eagles have charitably agreed to host a funeral for the New York Giants playoff hopes, which died in the New Meadowlands Sunday, during the Eagles record-breaking comeback to beat the Giants 38-31.

I live in Keyport, NJ...

... a beautiful bayshore community that is just five miles from New York City. I proudly wear my Eagles winter jacket when I drop my daughter off at school every day. And every day I field a snide comment. After yesterday's win, I certainly can understand why Giants fans deride my choice of outerwear. I'd hate to feel obligated to fly the colors of such a colossally horrible, ineffective and downright crappy team. Bwaaa, haa haa.

"It is so sad," said spectacular wide receiver DeSean Jackson, whose walk-off touchdown broke a 31-all tie with 14 seconds left in the game. "We truly are sorry for their loss."

"In deference to the Giants," said Eagles QB Michael Vick, who ran away from the Giants pass-rush like a man being chased by the ghost of a dog he killed. "We will refrain from writing 'Post-Season Aspirations, 2010-2010' on the tombstone."

The Eagles 28-point run in the last 7 1/2 minutes of the game allowed them to snatch victory from the jaws of a team whose quarterback looks like gold-medal-winning bong-smoker Michael Phelps, if Michael Phelps had Down's Syndrome and his parents were first cousins.

"As soon as we win the Super Bowl," said gelatinous head coach Andy Reid, "I will raise my glass of melted Friendly's happy ending sundae with bacon bits and crushed fried chicken skin toppings in honor of the Giants hopes and dreams. Rest in pieces, and thanks for that kickoff directly into the chest of the best kickoff return man in NFL history. A--holes."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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