Written by Skoob1999
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Friday, 17 December 2010

image for Chelsea Set To Put A Crushing End To Man United's Unbeaten Run
Awright Coleen!

The mood in the Chelsea camp this morning was typically bullish, as Chelsea promised to not only beat Manchester United at Stamford Bridge, but to thrash, bash, trash and whiplash the northerners into submission. And then rub their noses in it.

With Lamps and JT back, Drog looking mean and moody, and Ancelotti spending the last two days working out all the possible permutations on his PC playing 'Football Manager' in real time, the computer has predicted that Chelsea will hammer their upstart northern opponents by a margin of at least 9-0

The Chelsea coach apparently has a few tricks up his sleeve - such as Ashley Cole texting Edwin Van Der Saar pictures of his genitals at corner kicks, Drogba to gently caress Nemanja Vidic's buttocks in dead ball situations, and Florent Malouda to play with a pistol tucked in the waistband of his shorts.

JT will distract the visitors by casting knowing glances at United players' wives and girlfriends, and Frankie Lamps will be accompanied by a priest and an altar boy swinging a censer filled with burning incense.

United boss, Sir Alex Ferguson stated that nothing the Chelsea team can do will surprise him, or his team, and for that reason he intends to start with Paul Scholes and Darren Fletcher in midfield.

"They'll kick the crap oot o' 'em," he explained.

As a counter measure, Dimitar Berbatov will revert to wearing a snood and an alice band.

Apparently, rent boys like that sort of thing.

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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