Written by mattymc13
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Tuesday, 14 December 2010

Manchester City have been linked with the woman who cleans the toilets at The Emirates Stadium.

Mrs. Bankole, who arrived from Uganda in the summer, has been in impressive form of late. She recently managed to clean an entire cubicle to "a world class" standard after it had been pebble-dashed by an extremely unwell Manuel Almunia.

Arsene Wenger has already announced his pleasure at the start she has made.

"She has been wonderful. For the first time in a long time I managed to sit down on a toilet without having to wipe piss off the seat."

It is believed City have been scouting the cleaner for over a month. Suspicions were first aroused when David Platt was spotted in a toilet area at The Emirates, holding a clipboard.

Arsene Wenger thinks the potential move will hinge on who can offer her the better contract. "Well, here she is on £6.10 an hour. But if Manchester City can better that, then sadly I don't expect us to be able to hang onto her."

Unfortunately for Wenger, it seems his worst fears will become reality, as sources tell us Roberto Mancini's side are to make a 14 million pound bid, and offer Mrs. Bankole a contract of £68,000 a week, when the transfer window opens in January.

Roberto Mancini has shrugged off the rumours, but admitted his side seem to "play better when they've had a good shit."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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