The Detroit Lions announced that there will be no charge for admission when Detroit's Ford Edsel Field hosts the postponed game between the New York Giants and Minnesota Vikings at 7:20 p.m. Monday.
The game, originally scheduled for Sunday, had to be moved after The I-35W Mississippi River Bridge Memorial Metrodome roof collapsed, damaging the playing field.
"Detroit? That's where the black people live, right?" asked Vikings season-ticket holder Sandy Von Fursternburger. "Black people are why we moved out of St. Louis."
"Pros: We don't have to pay for our tickets," said Thor Von Fursternburger. "Cons: We have to drive 640 miles to Detroit, find a hotel, and, of course, my wife will certainly be gang-raped and killed."
Proponents are quick to take exception to that bigoted opinion of the city, which is 81.6% Black, 12.3% White, and 5% Beaner Greaseball Wetback.
"Contrary to popular belief, Detroit is a very safe city," said Federal Bureau of Prisons Inmate number #44678-039, also known as former Detroit Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick, currently serving 18 months to 5 years for perjury, official misconduct and misuse of campaign funds.
"Hell, it was my administration that was responsible for most of the crime.
In related news, Vikings Interim coach Leslie Frazier said 41-year-old Brett Favre will go through a pregame workout to determine if he's able to play.
"From everything I've seen, crybaby asshead Favre is f--king broken beyond repair. However, wittle baby wants to be on the field for the first play, so he can continue his ridiculous, no-one-gives-a-f--k 298 consecutive games started. He'll be the only quarterback ever to set up behind center in a f--king wheelchair, and he couldn't throw a football five yards without breaking a hip, but God forbid Brett not get his way," Frazier said in a conference call before the Vikings departed for the midwestern city known as Negroville.