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Sunday, 12 December 2010

image for Blinn College's Cam Newton Scoops Up Heisman Like A Bribed Gator With A Stolen Laptop.

A handcuffed Cecil Newton's applause echoed off the walls of the Best Buy Stadium in New York City as his son, current Auburn and former University of Florida and Blinn College quarterback Cam Newton won the 2010 "Heisman / Future NFL First-Round-Bust" Trophy Saturday, cementing Cam's place in NCAA history.

"I felt like someone just sold me a stolen laptop for $100.00," said Cam, referring to his 2008 arrest. "It was wonderful."

"I am so glad Cam won this award," said Newton the elder. "Two years ago, I thought I would have to spend all the bribe money I received from Mississippi State University just to buy him the Heisman, but fortunately he won it on his own."

"Which is great," continued Cecil. "Because Reggie Bush's Heisman was up to, like, $65,000 on eBay, and I didn't want to spend that kind of money."

Newton will be selected first overall by the Buffalo Bills when he declares for the 2011 NFL Draft. He will then go on to spend two unproductive seasons there, be picked up by Detroit on waivers in 2013 and cut during preseason, when he will be eligible for the Gino Toretta Heisman Washout award. He will win this in a landslide, beating out Danny Wuerffel for the honor.

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