Spoof editor Mark Lowton proudly announced his sponsorship of two former female Featured Writers in the World Championship Pole Dancing Competition being held in Tokyo!
The Spoof Headliners were named for the honour after a purely random poll (sic) selected up and coming entertainers Charpa and Lady Godiva !
The choice was applauded by the selection committee chaired by Expatriate writer Monkey Woods and backed by members Refreed, an Alaskan Survivalist, and senior female contortionist and arbiter of judicial entanglements, Barrister Queen E. Mudder, of Mudder & Associates, LLC.
The distaff pair said they were 'overwhelmed and humbled' by the nominations, and promised to do their best in representing the British Humour Site.
Both scribes said they had been preparing for the eventuality of starting a new career as they were looking at retirement in the near future.
Lady Godiva has worked tirelessly as a Sex Ed teacher in the Canadian Provinces, and was said to have at one time counseled former first lady Madame Margaret Trudeau during her transition from political wife to rock star groupie. "She just needed to learn a few new positions and techniques," said the svelte sex guru, who holds a PhD earned on line at an unaccredited college located in India.
Charpa, on the other hand, an international bilingual traveler, has gained notoriety in the past few years in running her Bull Semen ranch somewhere in Texas, where the semen she harvests has been credited with producing some of the world's most aggressive bulls for Spanish Bull Fighting promoters. Charpa credits her success to her "hands on approach" in collecting specimens "which seems to keep our bulls more relaxed leading to higher sperm counts," she said modestly.
Pole dancing has come a long way since it was first introduced at the Oasis Bar & Grill in Manchester, England, some years ago. At that time the failing pub was rejuvenated under the successful marketing campaign put on by Club Management heralding
"Tits for Brits", which immediately pulled the club out of the red and into the black, financially speaking .
Lady G and Charpa said they first appeared at the club on Amateur Night "just to get the hang of it. " . Both said after the experience, " the thrill of getting "a few quid stuck down our thongs really left us hooked! I guess you could say it caused an itch that needed to be continually scratched!"
Lady G said her new competitive costume is more demure. " I appear in my routine as an endangered puffin, right down to the tail feathers and the colourful beak. I mimic the little bird as he dives head first into the sea and emerges holding a snout (sic) full of sardines...it's my way to honor nature and salute wild life!"
Charpa is sticking with what got her where she is today. Wearing a pair of chaps, a beaded vest, a skin tight body suit, a pair of Jimmy Choo Toreador pumps, and swirling a red cape which offers only fleeting glimpses of her athletic, nearly naked body, she flits around the pole like a crazed spanish fly (sic) in heat accompanied by the "Flight of the Bumble Bee"
melody performed by famed violinists Erskine Quint, and Sir Victor Nicholas.
Both contestants say they don't know where their gyrations will lead them, but are now pointing to the possibility that the Rio Olympics in 2016 may introduce the pole dancing
'sport' as a trial event.
The duo will be appearing at the Spoof Christmas Party to be held where it all began, at the Manchester location of the Oasis Bar & Grill.
P.M. Wortham, club treasurer said he had made arrangements to bring in an ATM machine for the event saying, " The girls both told me they don't take checks, American Express, Visa or Master Card.. being Americans .they both said they'll be wearing a 'fanny pack' and that fans could just deposit their appreciation where the sun don't shine! I think we're going to have a cultural misunderstanding before the night is over...but that's The Spoof for ya!"
A spokesman for the Bank of England said the standard ATM machine holds 25,000 one pound notes, and is capable of providing change, minus a small fee, the VAT, and a surcharge to help pay for Ireland's current 'cash flow problems."