Bill Belichick, head coach for the New England Patriots, announced today that he is leaving the Patriots, effective immediately, for his life-long dream job, Sales Representative for Massachusetts Mutual Life Insurance.
Belichick, whose resume includes five Super Bowl victories and three AP Coach of the Year awards, called his team and coaches together this morning before a scheduled practice and tearfully announced that he was walking away from all of the adulation and 20 hour work days for this job which would give him more security and allow him to spend more time with his family.
Quarterback Tom Brady speaking for the team, said that they understood the challenges he would face in his new position and volunteered that he would pledge to buy a 10 Million Whole Life Annuity to help coach get off his initial draw of $2500.00 a month. His tight end, Rob Gronkowski, stated that he would personally pass out Belichick's new business card to new rookies as long as he was a member of the team.
Bellichick, who doesn't own a suit, was also presented a $1000.00 gift certificate for Brooks Bros. from locker room assistant, Byron Woof.