Written by Ellis Ian Fields
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Thursday, 9 December 2010

image for Newcastle Utd And Alan Pardew - A Triumph Of Hope Over Experience
Toon get another sucker.

The football world was shaking its head in disbelief today as once again a throughly decent chap has decided to take a draught from the poisoned chalice.

No doubt Alan Pardew will be handsomely remunerated for his efforts at Newcastle United but the expectancy among the Premier Leagues cognoscenti is that he is doomed to fail, as so many have before him.

"It's a mug's game up there," said one insider. "They have this thing about being a 'big club' but the fact is they've done bugger all in the modern game.

"Having thousands of single-minded Geordies taking their shirts off whatever the weather - and that's just the lasses - doesn't ensure greatness."

Said another: "Alan's a nice bloke. But how will he communicate? He's a Cockney and they're all Geordies! It'll be like the Tower of Babel up there.

"I haven't heard yet, but it's a cinch he'll be a figure of hate as soon as they get wind that their new manager comes from 'that London.' They've just got rid of one 'southern poofter' - are they likely to put up with another?"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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