Sepp Blatter - the world's most powerful man who controls the destiny of over six billion men and women - has said that England are behaving like "bad losers" after they failed to win the 2018 World Cup.
"I am surprised that England are taking this so badly." The demi-god told this reporter. "After all, they lose everything all the time - cricket, rugby, football, cooking, sex."
When I pointed out that cooking and sex weren't competitive sports, he replied:
"The fact that you say this shows me you are a second rate country that has no right to hold a school fete, let alone a world cup.
"Now if you will excuse me I have to decide whether several cancer sufferers should live or die."
He then left our offices in London and walked across the river Thames - to our awe and wonder.