NEW YORK, NY - Though he is not an active, reserve, or practice squad member of the New York Jets, area man Kris Hellersworth repeatedly identified himself with the organization during Monday night's game, according to observers.
"Goddammit! We need to step up our run defense! They're killing us out there!" Hellersworth was reported to have said mid-way through the second quarter, though he was approximately 200 miles away from the athletic contest and is not legally associated with the Jets organization in any capacity.
According to sources close to Hellersworth, the car salesman, who has not played tackle football in any capacity since 1986, and who has never been drafted or employed by any NFL team, refers to his favorite football team in the first person plural on a regular basis, and does so without any apparent identity conflict or acknowledgement of his lack of formal connection to the team.
At press, Hellersworth was complimenting himself and the organization for their effort, acknowledging that even though it was a fierce competition, "we worked hard and are prepared to move on next week to Miami."