Newcastle United have parted company with manager Chris Hughton having labelled him a Championship standard equal opportunities Russian spy who just happened to have a done a pretty damn good job.
The Premiership club says its fears over his duplicitous sideline were confirmed when Hughton, responding to the news of his sacking said 'I saw it coming,' before departing via the rubbish chute situated in the Newcastle managers office at St James' Park.
A club spokesman, who struggled to keep all his words in said, 'There is no way he could have known. No way man.'
'The sound of knives being sharpened in the club car park is common place up here, so to know its your time off the back of that alone is not possible.'
'It can only mean he is as Russian as a hiring your sister out as a prostitute.'
'It's probably why he lasted so long up here.'
A statement on the clubs website said, 'This decision has nothing to do with football and everything to do with being a club with an overblown view of it's own self importance.'
'Chris Hughton was, and is, at best, a Championship standard Russian spy, and at the very worst, a pretty decent Premiership manager with a very real chance of keeping us in the league.'
'This was not acceptable to us. At least we might get a trophy at the end of the season if we were in the Championship next year.'
Club sources say Hughton had offered to fall on his sword moments before being pushed on to one owned by Mike Ashley.
The club will now open a club museum to display the sword.