Written by Jack Melling
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Sunday, 5 December 2010

After FIFA awarded Russia and Qatar with the 2018 and 2022 World Cups, it has been exclusively revealed that energy bills have dropped dramatically at the football federation's HQ.

Compared to last year's massive bill, this year's has only come in at 10 euros. When asked about the energy bill, Sepp Blatter, sporting a new diamond encrusted gold watch, offered several reasons. Firstly, that the weather in Switzerland had been kind to them this year. Secondly, that FIFA employees don't like using electrical appliances in the office, before strolling through the five sets of automatic doors at the entrance.

Mr. Blatter, sporting more hair than usual after expensive surgery, then went on to explain the bill further, "FIFA HQ are part of a direct debit scheme that allows the company to claim back any money at the end of the year if we have paid all of our bills on time. What can I say we have a good admin department!"

At this point the President of FIFA started laughing, showing off a brand new gold grill, diamond rings on his fingers, gold chain round his neck and pimp stick with a ruby on top.

When a British journalist questioned the bid process, Sepp Blatter called him a "wanker" and the English media "scum" before walking off sporting his new three-piece suit and jewell encrusted crown.

He then received what he claimed was a bag of laundry from a Russian official by the name of Dimiti Corruptov marked "Rubles", which is apparently laundry in French.

As journalists left the conference room Mr. Blatter was spotted signing for a package, which he later claimed was footballs for African children, from a Qatar official called Saeed Al-Corruptawi.

In other non-related news FIFA has also formed a new partnership with several oil firms in Middle-East and Russian territories. Blatter has since explained that this is the next logical step in the global expansion of football worldwide.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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