Written by Skoob1999
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Monday, 29 November 2010

image for Mourinho - You're Not Special Any More! - Barcelona 5 Real Madrid 0
Five Nil? Five Nil? Say It Ain't So Jose!

Last night - Camp Nou, Barcelona, Catalunya - El Clasico - Barcelona v Real Madrid - The Special One, Jose Mourinho strolled confidently into Camp Nou, only to be found a few short hours later hiding in a kit bag as his team had been systematically torn apart by the rampant Catalans.

Refusing to come out, under any circumstances, and especially if jubilant Barca fans offered him a 'high five' the Special One left a rainy Barcelona under a cloud, as his Galacticos crashed to an ill tempered 5-0 defeat.

It must have been painful to watch for the world's biggest gobshite.

GOAL! - Xavi, making a forward charge at Real keeper Cassilas, had the ball bounce off his heel, only to loop over his head in front of him, allowing him to coolly steer the ball into the net.

GOAL! - Pedro scores a tap in from a David Villa cross which Cassilas fumbled.

TROUBLE! - as Ronaldo, coming to take a throw in, pushes Barca coach, Pepe Guardiola, sparking a manic bout of handbags.

On the stroke of half time, ex-Chelsea knobhead Carvalho delivers a forearm smash to Argentinian whizz kid Lionel Messi, and Messi gets booked.

HALF TIME:- 2-0

GOAL! - Messi disssects the Madrid defence, releasing David Villa, who calmly slots home.

GOAL! - Messi does it again and Villa coolly strokes home his second of the night.

Then it became carnival time, with Barca teasing their La Liga and one time civil war rivals with a breathtaking repertoire of flicks and backheels, which essentially amounted to taking the piss.

As Mourinho sat on the sidelines looking like he was trying to shit a breeze block.

As a petulant Real Madrid side began lashing out at anything that moved, Barca substitutes, Bojan and Jeffren combined for:

GOAL! - number five.

Humiliation for Mourinho, Ronaldo et al - which is no laughing matter.

Well, it is really.

As the Nou Camp emptied out after the slaughter, the message spelled out on the grand old stadium's seats became all too clear: MES QUE UN CLUB - More Than A Club.

A Barca fan told a Skoob Sports News reporter later at Passeige De Gracia metro station:

"Mange be, caga fort, e riu te de la mort! Mourinho! - Hijo de puta!"

Which loosely translated from the Catalan, means:

"Eat well, shit hard, and laugh in the face of death! Mourinho is a son of a bitch!"

Which we here at Skoob Sports News think is fair comment.

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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