Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Monday, 29 November 2010

image for Bad News: NFL Players Andre Johnson and Cortland Finnegan May Be Suspended For Their Brawl - The Good News: The NHL Detroit Red Wings Want To Sign Them Both
Andre Johnson was given the Houston Texans game ball for his participation in the brawl.

HOUSTON - The National Football League could end up fining and even suspending Tennessee Titans cornerback Cortland Finnegan and Houston Texans wide receiver Andre Johnson for their fourth quarter brawl during Houston's 20-0 victory.

Referee Sung Ying Chow stated that he was watching the quarterback when all of a sudden he noticed that Johnson had kicked Finnegan's helmet off and then he saw Finnegan kick Johnson's helmet off which landed in the second row in the lap of 79-year-old Texans season ticket holder Beulah May Kettlesoap.

The two helmet-less players then proceeded to punch, slap, and kick each other as if they were friggin hockey players.

Kettlesoap immediately put the helmet in her sewing bag and stashed it below her seat. A Houston Texans usher later retrieved the helmet and returned it to Johnson.

Referee Sung Ying Chow was asked why he did not try to stop the fight and he replied, "You one foorish (foolish) dip strick (stick) if you teenk I be getting my skinny little Chinese-American gruteus (gluteus) maximus in between those two jive ass punk brack (black) bros."

The two players finally separated after Harris County Deputy Sheriff Howie "Bubba" Tallapoosa ran onto the field and fired off a warning shot in the air.

He immediately moved in and put handcuffs on both brawlers and led them off the field and into his squad car where they were transported to the Harris County Jail. Both players were later released after posting bail of $67,425 each.

SIDENOTE: It appears very likely that both players will be fined and suspended. However, word on the street in downtown Houston is that Johnson and Finnegan have both been contacted by the National Hockey League's Detroit Red Wings about signing on with them.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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